A New Beginning
by umpcai
Summary: "I've gone mad" isn't a good enough answer for Phoebe. She decides to find out for herself what happened to Cole.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Charmed.

**A New Beginning**

"Cole, are you here?" Phoebe Halliwell entered her ex-husband's penthouse. The door was unlocked, so she had just walked in. Her glance swept around the main room. It was a mess. A guillotine stood off to the side, in front of a large window. There were scorch marks on the wall and on the floor. The few pieces of furniture in the room either had small rips or were broken apart completely. The balcony doors were open, curtains blowing in the night air. The only light was from the moon. Empty beer bottles were scattered across the floor, some shattered.

Phoebe shook her head sadly and stepped further into the room. She jumped in surprise at the movement several feet in front of her. The air visibly shook and Cole Turner materialized. His hair was unruly. He hadn't shaved in days. The clothes he wore were rumpled. Phoebe inwardly yelled at her heart when it skipped a beat. Even in this unkempt state, Phoebe still saw the handsome man he was.

Noticing the six pack of beer he carried, she sighed. This wasn't Cole. This wasn't the clean-cut, stubborn, argumentative, sarcastic, smart, caring, good man she'd fallen in love with more than two years before. His once clear blue eyes, that she used to love to get lost in, were now hazy. Gazing into them for only seconds she realized that the love she'd once saw there was no longer visible. In fact, she couldn't even see the anguish that had been there only weeks before. His eyes were empty.

She did that to him, Phoebe realized. He'd fought so hard for her, but she'd been scared of losing it all again, of losing their love to evil once more. So, she'd pushed him away, called him evil, and now she'd driven him to the edges of sanity.

His voice, once so caring, startled her, "What are you doing here?"

"I... I just wanted to see how you were," she stuttered. "Are you alright?"

Cole shrugged and moved past her to his recliner. "I told you I've gone mad. Does that constitute alright?"

She moved in his direction, "Cole..."

His eyes flashed clear for a split second. "Don't. Don't talk to me like that, like you care." And then the haze was back. He opened a beer and laid back in the chair.

"Look, this isn't you," Phoebe spoke. "Just because I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, doesn't mean you can't be the same person you always were."

"Don't you mean 'same demon'?" he asked lazily. "I think evil and crazy go hand in hand, at least in my case," he added.

"Cole!" she stood in front of him now. "What is wrong with you?! You're stronger than this. I know you are. What happened to the guy who was so set on being good a few weeks ago? You didn't care that I told you you were evil. You wanted to be good. You said you were going to be."

"What's the point?"

"Be good for yourself, Cole. Not to prove anything to me. I know what I said. But, I was wrong, OK. Do you think I don't remember how you used to help us fight against evil? You turned your back on evil because you're good. You don't need me to tell you that. You don't need me to _be_ that. I never should've told you the powers made you evil. You were right; it is how you use them. After what happened today, I realized that. Before you were using them for good; it was only when you helped the demon today out of desperation that there was anything evil about them."

"I killed a few people remember? That was evil." He still didn't show any emotion. He was just stating facts.

"Those were mistakes," she corrected. "You were wrong. Not evil."

"Same difference. Now, if you don't mind I'm trying to get drunk."

"You look like you already should be," she said motioning to the bottles around his feet.

"Yeah, well, demonic immunity and all that."

"If it's not working, then what's the point? It's not helping you at all; it wouldn't even if you could get wasted."

"I figure, I can't die, I can at least _pretend_ to be drunk," Cole said indifferently.

Phoebe remembered the guillotine and scorch marks. She remembered his failed suicide attempt last week. "You're invincible. Stop trying to kill yourself."

"That's what you want. It's what I want. I plan to try again tomorrow morning after I don't get a hangover."

Phoebe knelt by his feet to be closer to his eye level. Her hand went to caress his bearded cheek, but she stopped herself just short of reaching him. She rested her arm on the side of the chair instead. "Baby, please stop," she begged, the words out of her mouth, before she could think them over. "Please just be you."

Cole angrily stood up, leaving Phoebe to jump out of his way. His eyes cleared again as he turned to face her. "Don't call me that."

Phoebe, too, stood up. "I just want you to be yourself. I don't like seeing you like this. If I can help, please tell me how."

He regarded her carefully. "Tell me how you did it."

"What?" she questioned confused.

"Tell me how you were able to fall out of love with me so quickly. Tell me how, Phoebe, please. I'm trying to. I really am. But, I can't figure out how. I can't move on; I can't die to get away from it all; good or evil, I can't forget you. Tell me how you forgot me."

Tears threatened to fall from her eyes as she heard the agony of his voice and saw the pain in his once again lucid eyes. What kind of a person was she to do this to the only man she'd ever loved? She faltered over her answer, "I, I don't, I mean...it's just..."

"Forget it," Cole said. He blurred from the apartment.

"I didn't," Phoebe finally managed to articulate, to the empty room.

Her cell phone rang at that moment. "Hello?"

"Pheebs?" her sister, Piper asked. "What's wrong? You sound upset."

"I'm fine. Why'd you call?"

"I was just wondering where you were. It's getting late."

"Yeah, I'm not gonna make it home tonight. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Phoebe, where are you?" Piper questioned suspiciously.

"I'm not a kid, Piper. I don't have to tell you where I am all the time."

"Pheobe-"

She cut Piper off. "No, you know what? I will tell you. You're likely to make Leo sense for me anyway. I'll save you the trouble. I'm at Cole's. He just left and I want to wait for him. I need to talk to him."

"But, why?"

"Because, he's in pain. And it's my fault." She paused for a second, "Piper, how could you? You saw him this morning. You saw that, that guillotine. You knew he was trying to kill himself. How could you just leave him like that?"

"How could _I_ just leave him like that? He tricked us into making a vanquishing potion for him last week, Phoebe. You're the one who figured out it was a suicide attempt. Then, you told him you'd kill him on your own terms. When, it didn't work, _you're_ the one who left him alone. You, who supposedly shared this great love with him once upon a time."

Phoebe winced as each of Piper's words hit home. She hung up on her sister and climbed into the chair Cole had vacated. She hugged her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She couldn't prevent the tears from falling.

She had, no, she still did, love Cole. And she'd killed him emotionally. She'd threatened to do it physically.

When Cole reappeared in the penthouse several hours later, he was greeted by the sight of a sleeping Phoebe curled up in his favorite chair, tear tracks on her cheeks. He couldn't figure out why she was still there. The brief thought of calling Leo or Paige at the manor to come get her crossed his mind, but he immediately dismissed it. He had no desire to see them. He would just wake Phoebe up and send her to her car. Besides, maybe she would want to know that he'd decided she was right. He did want to be good. Even if it wouldn't win her back, he wanted to be.

The thing she probably wouldn't want to hear, though, was that he also believed he was right. Their love was meant to be. And, he'd meant it when he said that he wasn't ever giving up on them. She may not love him now, but, if he gave her the space she so badly wanted, maybe she would someday fall back in love with him.

He sat on the couch next to the chair Phoebe was in and gently prodded her to wake up.

Phoebe opened her eyes and saw clear, deep blue. She sat up. Noticing the very small distance between them, Cole moved back. Seeing this, Phoebe switched her seating place to the sofa. She enveloped Cole in a warm hug, her head falling to his chest and tears escaping once more from her eyes. "I'm so sorry," she repeated over and over.

Not knowing what he was supposed to do, Cole waited silently, unmoving, until she pulled back. Phoebe, seeing his confusion, elaborated on the reason for her crying and apologies.

"I couldn't tell you how to fall out of love with me, because I haven't figured out how to fall out of love with you."

"What?" Cole managed to get out.

"I'm sorry. I never should've made you think that, because it will never happen. I wasn't lying when I promised to love you forever. I meant it when I said nothing could change that. I do love you, Cole. I do. I guess it's about time I stop denying it."

When Cole didn't answer, Phoebe continued, "Could... do you think you can give me another chance?"

His nod was all the answer she needed. Her brilliant smile, the one that lit up her chocolate eyes with love, was all the encouragement Cole needed to kiss her deeply. The love _both_ finally admitted was all either needed to discern their new beginning, one which would lead their love into eternity.

**The End**


End file.
